Revising Process: Project Two

In the response I received from my peers I hardly received any useful feedback. The simple "good" and "needs more" doesn't quite help me much. I need to have a true critical analysis of my work. I think that the best feedback is the most truthful one. Even if it counters my entire essay it would eventually improve my writing far greater than simple feedback. Therefore I'm going to critique my own work. Sometimes the best reviser is yourself. I'll admit my first draft was SHITTY! I don't even have half enough words to fulfill the requirement. Nor do I have any quotes. Well I know exactly what to do in my revision.

In my revision I would like to lengthen my paper. I feel that my introduction is the strongest aspect of my first draft so I'll leave that as it is. I want to find quotes that will add to my argument. I need to find at least four quotes from each of my sources. I'll narrow it down to two per source. I already have a bit of summary so I'm going to find a quote that relates to my already established topic. Once I find these quotes I'll briefly describe what it's saying and then analyze it. I'll have to make sure that this analysis correlates to my thesis. After my summaries of my sources I'm going to add my own personal opinions. This will advocate my position on the argument along with the influence of the sources I've chosen. I want to incorporate what I've learned from these sources into my own argument and statement. I'll finally include a conclusion which summarizes all the topics that have been discussed throughout my paper. I'll restate my thesis then answer it within a sentence. And end with a thought provoking statement that doesn't create a new argument but manages to keep the reader interested and settled on the argument at hand. If that makes sense? I am also missing a works cited so I'll be sure to include that at the end of my essay.

The sources I plan to use are Gary Soto's "Looking For Work" and "The Color of Family Ties." In Soto's "Looking For Work", a young boy realizes the imperfection of his family compared to the family he has watched on television. He attempt to lessen this gap and make his family just like the one on T.V. However his attempts are futile. He descends from a Latino/Latina family while the family on T.V. is White. His family has certain traditions that are difficult to change and remove. This shows the extent to which someone will go to change their traditions and values. The young boy is willing to rid all his culture in order to become this "perfect" family. "The Color of Family Ties" reveals the differences of value between certain races. This leads to misconceptions of family value between certain races. It's not that minorities care more for their extended family but that financial issues have forced them to rely on a large array of people, not just within their nuclear family. This reveals the reliance that Americans have on statistics rather than understanding. The nuclear family is based on pure statistic. It does not deal with the needs of any other culture or race.